The World of Loveless
by Sycocat2
Summary: A collection of short, unrelated ficlets with frequent updates #20- All Ritsuka knows of a woman's touch is his mother's cold cruel hands.
1. But it did

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Loveless or Brad Paisley's song "It did"

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**"But it did"**

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Allowing myself to breathe fully for the first time in all my lifetime, I hold my demure sacrifice.

As I have mused since the day we met, *it couldn't be better than this.

Lavender shampoo enlivens my senses. With a gust of spring air his raven locks softly brush against my chin.

Leaning against my chest, his gaze remains out of my sight.

The order drapes my mind in darkness _"You will love him…" _For the reach of my vivid recollections, such was all I knew…

He turns toward me and violet orbs float upward locking with my gaze.

… Such was all I knew, until now.

Feeling a rush of emotions I was taught never to have I whisper "I love you".

I recall that each time the thought passed through me, *it couldn't be better than this. I then think as he wordlessly wraps his small arms around me tightly *but it did.

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**The end**

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Hope you liked it, reviews are appreciated : )


	2. I will wait for you

**A/N: **Thanks for reading

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Loveless

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"**I will wait for you"**

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With Seimei gone I had no one. I was waiting, though I didn't know what for.

I thought I was waiting for Seimei's death to become only a nightmare rather than reality, or that I was holding on for death to soon find me.

I believed all Life had in store for me was more pain and suffering. Still I weakly searched for something more.

I was looking, but you found me.

You made it possible for me to discover so much I didn't know to seek, bringing forth new ideas, experiences, emotions, and so much more.

I had been stumbling on without a moment void of confusion, and though you brought more questions, you also made some answers immediately reachable.

You helped me be **me**.

Soubi you enabled me to live this life as my own, rather than the rented dark game it seemed since my reawakening.

You read into my decisions and intentions. Your deductions helped me understand my new memories which I continuously question.

Your guidance led me to forgive myself for what I thought could be nothing but my fault.

Though terrible by its existence the bindings of your servitude and my bequeathed ownership of you are what permitted us to meet, and I believe come to share our lives.

I forgive you Soubi. No matter what power you possess you are still mortal, same as me. I understand it was not your decision to leave, and that you must want to return.

Please return to me Soubi.

I will wait for you.

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_**The E**__**nd**_

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Hope you liked it, please review.


	3. Watching those hands

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Loveless

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"**Watching those hands"**

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Ritsuka paid close attention to the swift, gentle movement of elegant fingers. He felt surprised, for he didn't realize it was possible for someone to be so precise while in such quick motion.

Soubi smiled, meeting his gaze and kissed his lips with great emotion. Ritsuka was breathless at his fighter returned to the amazing task. He claimed that with all that Ritsuka did for him, and how much he loved him, this was surely the least he could do. Though a child, Ritsuka needed these things too.

Warm wind fluttered long curtains and Ritsuka shut his eyes for a moment. "Ritsuka, you're sweating, you seem nervous, should I stop?" He lifted his hands. Violet orbs met sapphire and he wordlessly shook his head. "Alright" Soubi smiled, and returned his hands to the favor.

After ten minutes, he finished. "Thank you Soubi" Ritsuka breathed, quite grateful. "Of course, it was no trouble Ritsuka, anytime you need my help I will do as you wish". His sacrifice strongly detested the concept behind a sacrifice ordering a fighter, but nonetheless nodded. He wouldn't speak of that after his fighter helped him this way.

Soubi saved the file in Ritsuka's schoolwork folder. "I wasn't sure what I was going to do after mother twisted my wrist… Thanks again Soubi"

"I didn't so much really Ritsuka; all I did was type out the work you already compiled for this assignment" he kissed his sacrifice's cheek. "My Ritsuka you feel warm, are you certain you're feeling well? I have a thermometer and can check if you want" "No Soubi I'm alright, just a hot day" The man nodded.

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**The end**

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XD Hope you liked it, please review.


	4. Chronic pain

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Loveless, or Bengay, but I do own the quote at the end.

This is a dedication to my boyfriend, and the product **Bengay tm** two of the only morsels in my life that have ever relieved my pain. *I'm posting this tonight to "commemorate" in a way the fact that several doctors told me today that "they" are indeed seizures, and I'm soon to be "EEGd" to determine for sure.

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"**Chronic pain"**

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Ritsuka quickly brought his hand down against Soubi's shirtless back, and the fighter flinched as a blade tore into skin.

Soubi paused; he never reacted to pain so easily, least of all that which was result of punishment by his master. Breathing slowly, he looked upon Ritsuka. His sacrifice's face was pale, silken and pure as ever, but tears trickled from his eyes.

Finding his breath again he asked timidly "Ritsuka?"

"I wish you could stop thinking the horrible way you were taught. Slavery is wrong, and I would never hurt you." The small hand again surprised him; palm resting on scarred skin Ritsuka rubbed gently.

It calmed him, and when he felt muscles loosen he knew it also felt good for Soubi.

He wished there was a medicine he could massage into Soubi's skin that would take away all the pain of his years. Instead he would act to heal Soubi until the man's notions of slavery and savage treatment were but faded memories of a dark past.

_*"The cruel magic of this chronic pain is that every sensation, including those that are innocently benign and gentle, each tickle, poke, and caress- everything registers as some level of pain. It takes a special set of hands to ease such pain." _

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**The end**

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Hope you liked it, please review. The quote is an original by me, not that it's so fantastic, but I came up with it for this fic, and might have posted it in a support group. It relates to my chronic pain condition FMS, the devil depression, and Soubi's suffering.


	5. Can I have him back?

**Summary: **Ritsuka misses Soubi and wishes he could come back.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Loveless or George Strait's song "I'd like to have that one back"

**A/N: **Let's see whatboredom, frustration, and country western music can come up with…

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"**Can I have him back?"**

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_*Always thought that I was missing something, but I found out too late…_

He'd pick me up and kiss me. He'd tell me he loved me, no matter how much I yelled at him for it.

He said he'd always answer when I called. Even though sometimes he didn't and I'd yell at him, I realize now that I was in the wrong. No one is perfect, not even Soubi.

No one else could ever come so close to perfection. No one else could ever know me the way he did. No one else could have changed my life so tremendously.

*_If my lips had said "I'm sorry", he might have stopped dead in his tracks…_

I know he didn't want to leave me that way. If he could have, he would have disobeyed my brother and stayed with me. **Me**, not Seimei the one who continued his horror-story-life of torture and abuse.

I know there will never be anyone like him, and I don't **want** someone like him. I want the real Soubi, the one whose mask I slowly managed to peel away to see his true human form. He is a **man**, not a machine. He is a child who was torn away from all he ever knew, like me, but he never found his way back. He helped me start anew and finally fill my life with pieces of a person, not simply memories of a boy who used to be.

He did anything I asked of him, except staying away when I angrily told him to… and the lies also continued. It wasn't his fault though! My brother ordered him to lie to me no matter what, and like the soldier he was raised to be, he could not disobey direct orders from his _superior_- his _master _damn it! How could a person treat another person so terribly?

I wanted to keep him near for his friendship and devotion and very presence.

I didn't even get to say goodbye.

*_I'd like to have him back…_

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**End**

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: ( hope you liked it, please review.


	6. It was always you

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Loveless or Ingrid Michaelson's song "Always you"

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"**It was always you"**

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_*I wait in the rain but I don't complain because I wait for you_

Soubi stood tall under a shop awning. The temptation to put a cigarette to his lips was repelled by his sacrifice's day-long cheerful disposition. He would do nothing to displace that good mood, and if anyone tried to do so he surely would wish to end their life. Not that he would return to that long forgotten act.

Two years with Ritsuka assured numerous changes in his way of life, his very being felt purified.

No matter the spell battles that continued to occur in which attacks were sent both ways, this purity reached beyond his teachings- the pain could not **be**, not with Ritsuka at his side.

_*You're like Novocain _

He always believed his sacrifice would be the one to devote his life to, to give his life for. Despite Seimei being his sacrifice…

_*It was always you_

So many times Soubi thought himself a worthless being because of his actions. Time and time again he felt he failed Ritsuka, beyond forgiveness, yet the boy **did** forgive him. Always.

_*You showed me there's more… _

Beyond his imaginings, this sweet boy graced him with the gift of **life**. Not one person ever before in his menial existence showed him so much, helped him so much, loved him so much.

Ritsuka exited the shop and as they walked, placed a small package into Soubi's hands. "A gift", he said, smiling with rose cheeks of embarrassment.

"A gift, for me?" Soubi questioned with curious confusion. With a lit tempered growl his sacrifice responded "Yes Soubi I bought it for you". Several moments longer his eyes played on the box.

With adorable exasperation Ritsuka commanded "Well… open it!... I mean if you want to open it now". The man felt the completeness he always dreamed of. He opened the box and smiling at Ritsuka's smile, grasped his small hand.

_*It was always you…_

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**The end**

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Aw : ) hope you liked it, please review


	7. Doppelganger lies

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Loveless

**A/N: **I'm feeling weird this hot summer morning, and depression is hanging over my head, so this story reflects that.

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"**Doppelganger lies"**

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Sitting at his computer, Ritsuka noted that he feels more comfortable in the darkness of night. In spite of the friends he accumulated since transferring schools, he still felt very much alone.

_Seimei, when you were here I didn't feel alone…_

He double-clicked another article about amnesia and possible means of regaining forgotten memories. He had attempted numerous methods, but all in vain.

His mother's belief echoed and latched around his heart- Of course not, because he is not the real Ritsuka.

_I can't remember, because they aren't __**my **__memories… _

He closed the webpage and stood. His photographs decorating the walls around him brightened the darkness. Smiles from him and his friends weaved between the terrible thoughts and his meager grip of sanity.

Then he looked at each photograph of him and Soubi. Soubi made him feel safe. Soubi made him feel wanted. Then again, Soubi made him feel confused, angry, and upset as well.

His cell phone vibrated with a text message. "Let me guess" he whispered, lifting the device.

**: I love you Ritsuka, goodnight**

_Soubi, do you really though… love me?..._

"Liar" he whispered.

_No one can love me because no one knows me. I'm not Aoyagi Ritsuka, I'm a doppelganger born two years ago…_

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**End**

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Hope you… liked it? Reviews are appreciated


	8. In your apartment

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Loveless

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"**In your apartment"**

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I sit alone in your apartment. It still smells like paint and cigarettes, and I swear you're beside me, but you're gone.

You left with my brother and I don't know what to think. In your apartment it feels too real. It's where you lived, I guess. Your friend Kio removed the rotten food from the refrigerator, but left a few cans of beer, I suppose for him when he comes here and for you when you return. Ifyou return.

I've looked at every painting here, including unfinished ones. Was I the reason these are unfinished? I touch thick dry viridian lines. I don't think you liked green much. Most of your paintings have no measure of it, so I assume. You did enjoy painting butterflies, or maybe you didn't enjoy it. Kio mumbled something a few days ago to that effect. If you hate them, why so many? Either way, your artwork is stunning.

I am stunned more by what isn't here, like in Seimei's room. You don't have any photographs of yourself, except the pictures I printed for you. Other than that, I haven't seen one picture of you at any point of your life before this year. What about your family?

You never talked about your family before that day you showed me your parent's graves. I wonder what they were like. You told me they died when you were young, how young were you? How much do you remember about them? Do you remember what they looked like? Although you have no photographs of them, I'm sure they were beautiful… well… because you're beautiful.

But you're nowhere to be seen. Your face is in my pictures, but it's not enough. I'm in your apartment but this place… feels dead.

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**End**

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Hope you liked it, please review

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P.S I don't fully remember if Soubi told him his parents died when he was young, so that might be a mistake.


	9. Unclean

I don't say it enough my dears but thank you very much for reading and reviewing my fanfiction.

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Loveless

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Soubi grasped Seimei's arm. They met one month ago and he was not accustomed to his master's ways…

"Don't touch me" he hissed.

Soubi retracted his hand, "Master?"

The younger's stare was icy "Are you clean?"

"Yes master" Soubi responded promptly, he had washed for an hour this morning in scalding water, as Seimei required for him to be allowed in his presence.

Glaring "Are you clean?!"

Soubi stepped back and bowed his head. He was never clean enough in Seimei's eyes. He was tainted, sickening filth that would always be below him, no matter their heights.

"No… master"

"Correct" Seimei spat then turned around and left the room. "You are not to leave that spot until I order so" he called back.

His filthy fighter dared to _touch_ him. He twitched once.

He needed to clean his clothing and his body immediately. Words came to mind, but Seimei never cursed because foul language was just that- foul, and he dared not allow any means of contamination to touch his skin, let alone his tongue.

That was a lie though. The order to murder now often enjoyed the path to his lips.

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**The end**

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Hope you liked it, please review.


	10. I need a kiss

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Loveless, but I do own this poetic desperation.

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"**I need a kiss"**

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I want you to kiss me. Not the way you're "supposed to", not just because I ask you to. Kiss me for real, as long as you want, as deeply as you please, and whatever sort you wish to release. Kiss me now. I need you.

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**End**

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Hope you liked it, sorry it's so short but this is something I wrote the other day during a moment of my own desperation. Here's hoping these seizure meds help.


	11. Unstoppable

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Loveless, or Toto's song "Africa"

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"**Unstoppable"**

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_I will protect you always. Ritsuka with you as my sacrifice there is nothing I cannot do. Anything and everything is possible with your smiling face beside me…_

He brought his arm across Ritsuka's back. The boy looked up briefly, and they continued walking. The glow of the moon combined every now and then with street lights. The air was fine, not so cool this mid-Spring night. He carried Ritsuka's sweatshirt in his opposite hand, the boy insisted on bringing it just in case, in spite of how Soubi stated that he could easily keep him warm. He had not asked for it yet, the man noted.

He dipped his head to place a chaste kiss on silken skin. The cheek turned from pale white to pink, and Ritsuka wriggled to break free from his hold.

A few moments later Soubi reached out and entwined their fingers. After his nervous pout disappeared, Ritsuka's face convinced him to smile.

Soubi grimaced sensing a team nearing. He glanced ahead and stopped walking, pausing Ritsuka as well. His sacrifice looked up with a question in his eyes. As the two men walked up to them, it became unnecessary to respond to his unspoken question.

The two walked at an equal pace despite a few inches height difference. The taller came to about five foot seven, and tucked his black bangs behind his human ear. "We are Soundless", the other fighter declared. The bit of hesitance in his voice showed Soubi he was partially deaf.

"If it's all the same to you, we'd rather just continue our walk", Soubi calmly replied.

The other male turned to his partner and with quick motion of his hands signed what Soubi said. His partner shook his head, dark hair tickling across his eyebrows, and signed back with a smug look on his face.

"We challenge you to a spell battle, Agatsuma Soubi." They knew exactly who he was, the man was legend. Defeating the famous fighter would prove their superior mettle and might.

Soubi detested walking away from a challenge, but it was not his decision. Turning to the boy he asked "Ritsuka?" "Okay", he answered.

The street had been empty until Soundless showed up, and Soubi had not seen anyone since, so it seemed this was and alright place to battle. Besides, he would finish them off soon enough.

"**Loveless declares a battle of spells**"

The other fighter turned to his sacrifice, who signed several times, indicating which attack approach they practiced he should follow.

"Valkyrie cry, deafen them!" Immediately a horrifically high-pitched sound bore into Loveless' ears. Ritsuka hastily clamped his hands over them, hoping he would not soon feel warm blood run across his fingers, which was likewise Soubi's hope. Standing his ground, Soubi shielded them from the intense sound. Ritsuka's hands fell and he breathed unsteadily. Soubi saw that otherwise he seemed alright.

Utilizing their surroundings, "Disable their vocals", he sent a cloth banner around the other sacrifice's neck. Ritsuka looked at him worriedly. He was not concerned about the team though, he knew they would surrender before the situation became dire.

"Tanaka!" the other fighter shouted, and pulled at the cloth around his sacrifice's neck. "Soundless forfeits the battle!" he shouted, and the banner fell from its hold. Tanaka collapsed into his partner's arms, gasping for air.

Soubi checked his young sacrifice's ears. Thankfully there was no blood. "Are you alright Ritsuka?"

The boy considered his state then nodded.

He offered his hand which Ritsuka accepted it, and they continued their night walk.

_I will protect you always. _*_There is nothing a hundred men or more could ever do…_

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**The end**

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Hope you liked it, please review.

A/N: I'm really tired these days, and handing many calls and appointments, but thankfully the new meds (part of why I'm so tired) seem to be controlling my seizures.


	12. Here's to Loveless

**Summary**: Soubi reflects on the good in the world of teams.

**A/N**: I haven't written fanfiction in weeks since my laptop is dead, and school starting up, etc. I miss it! I can only study at my boyfriends's house or the library, because it's always so noisey in my house! So I decided to write a new fanfic for my #1 fanfiction pals.

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**Disclaimer:** I don't own Loveless

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"**Here's to Loveless"**

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Soubi slowly sucked in a breath a of nictine. It helped ease his mind a bit, as usual, but also brought forth a pang of guilt- Ritsuka would be furious if he saw the man right now. Terminating red flame he put the cigarette on the edge of the ash tray.

Kneeling on the carpet of his living room, the flaxen-blonde looked over his recent sketches. Instead of the three created for the purpose of high grades, he lifted the fourth. He began to create a picture for his dear sacrifice. It was unlike his usual drawings or paintings, but abstract with the focus on incomplete shapes and varying shades. He leaned back to sit on the floor with sketch and pencils in hand.

With the dull-tipped tool long fingers glided over the white page with smooth strokes. Not swiftly, his hands danced elegantly for over an hour.

As soon as he deemed the sketch acceptable, and stood to prepare the suitable paints, his phone began to ring. Viewing the name "Ritsuka" on the screen he answered immediately. "Ritsuka" "hey Soubi I... called to apologize for yelling at you this afternoon... I'm sorry, I just can't seem to control my wmotions when it comes to you..." His sacrifice revealed more than he meant to.

"I feel the same Ritsuka, I love you" "Idiot that's not what I meant!... I mean when I yell at you" Moving a stray hair from his eye Soubi responded "It is unneccessary for you to apologize though". A growl filled the phone line, "Soubi!" "I'm starting a painting for Ritsuka" That stopped his mental rampage, "For me?" "Yes, I'll give it to you tomorrow" He regarded the clock. "It is late, Ritsuka should be asleep" Not wishing to argue the boy seceeded, "You're right... I- I'll see you tomorrow" "Goodnight my Ritsuka, I love you".

Soubi didn't mind that the line then went dead; he heard enough with his sacrifice's sputtering non-reply.

_The only way I met you is because of your true name..._

He walked into the kitrchen and took a beer from the refrigerator.

_Here's to Loveless..._

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**The end**

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It feels great to write again, and I need all the "great feeling" I can get because dears my health isn't doing well.

Thanks for reading and all reviews are appreciated!


	13. I still hope he'll come back

**Summary: **Ritsuka's pained monologue three years later.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Loveless

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"**I still hope he'll come back"**

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I hate myself for thinking of him, and then I hate myself for that.

It's been three years and I still can never seem to get him off my mind. Ntasuo, Youji, Kio and I have searched everywhere for Soubi. In the beginning we looked around the usual places- Kio went to the university, bars, and even nearby hotels. Zero sometimes looked around town, some nights I went too, disregarding the thought of the definite beating I'd get for coming home late.

My grades haven't been so good these past few years, since most days after school ends I search different places on bus routes.

Once a month Kio drives us to different cities and towns.

I don't understand why he disappeared. I don't understand anything anymore.

Seimei took him, my brother who I idolized... still idolize. That wasn't my brother in the cemetary that day, it was the terrible doppleganger I heard has done such horrible things.

The first four mornings and nights, I spent hours in the bathroom throwing up. After I brushed my teeth and washed my face. Mom punished me, and I was punished in school. Late assignments and missed work started piling up and my grades dropped so low everyone began to think I was doing drugs.

To this day I can't walk down any of the streets we often traveled, except when I visit Youji and Natsuo in his apartment. It hurts so much, but I need to be there because I still hop he'll come back.

I still hope he'll come back, and I hate myself for it. I was only twelve. I didn't know anything- I _still _don't understand anything. All I thought was clear were that my brother was amazing, then that Soubi was amazing and... might have loved me- I don't know!

Somehow I'm alive, and somehow I still have vivid memories of the fun times, the great times. Pictures from those days are real, but now when I take pictures to save memories they're not real.

After all the searching for anything that could reveal a reason, I still don't understand why he disappeared.

Even though every memory and thought of him sends a long ache throughout my body, I still hope he'll come back.

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_**End**_

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	14. Let's see how this goes

**A/N**: (Written 10/1/13) Hey hepcats I'm writing this fic after only sleeping three hours last night, doctors orders, because I had a new super-brain-scan today to see what may be causing my seizures. Well enough about me, I just like to update the fans who have been following me throughout these troubled times. (The title is what went through my mind when I set to writing to pass the time.)

**Key**:_ Thinking_

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Loveless

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"**Let's see how this goes"**

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"Take your time Ritsuka, it's okay" encouraged the gentle-eyed fighter. The boy sniffled as tears glowed on his cheeks. "I just", a labored breath paused him, "I want to explain it all to you...", he hesitated.

Soubi leaned forward slightly.

_Let's see how this goes..._

Not wanting to frighten his young sacrifice away from expressing what deeply tormented him, Soubi did not reach out to his damp face, but to his tightly clenched hands.

"Ritsuka I will not judge you, or act as though I understand what things I cannot."

Despite the tangles Ritsuka understood and took in what he said. He breathed deeply.

_Let's see how this goes..._

Leaving his left hand in Soubi's grasp, he rested the fingers of his right hand on the man's thumb. His mind raced as words came to his lips.

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**End**

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**A/N**: Thanks so much for reading, and for your continued support.


	15. Paint across the dark

**A/N: **Yup two fics in one day. (I like this one better).

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Loveless

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"**Paint across the dark"**

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Ritsuka threw his hands into the air. "I know life is rough, but that's enough! I don't want to try to be so tough!"

Soubi grasped his chin and said "What are these thoughts going through your head? You are very strong Ritsuka. You don't need to try to be tough, you already are".

Violet eyes floated on amber, and quiter this time he replied with a sigh, "You're wrong Soubi, you only see my brother". Unwavering, "When I look at you I see no other. I view you as a companion for life, not just a future lover". Red and cross, Ritsuka set to remind Soubi who's boss, but halted. This was not a fight, and there was no groughness to Soubi's wording.

Fingers set to scratch a cat ear, and though embrassed Ritsuka nearly purred when it progressed to a caress of his face.

The man did not press for more disgracefully, instead he limberly knelt then sat. He then patted the ground beside him for the young feline.

_I'll help you paint thick lines across the dark pieces of your past..._

Ritsuka leaned on Soubi's shoulder

_From the start of each day into the night, you help direct me to believe everything will be alright..._

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_**The end**_

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Hope you liked it, please review.


	16. Prove it

Re-post since I was tired of being angry I posted it when I did, never mind my rambling.

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Loveless

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**"Prove it"**

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_*"You won't disregard me, right? You won't abandon me, right?..."_

What did it mean for Soubi to ask that question? He seemed so fearful of another person tossing him away.

It amazed Ritsuka that he would ask such questions when the man consistently assured him he would never be alone in this world, assured he could never be forgotten.

That word stands out- "never". How could anything be guaranteed so gracefully as that? If anyone could use such elegance to prove what they said, it was Agatsuma Soubi.

What meaning did that hold now? Each time this notion came to mind Ritsuka desired with every ounce of his being to shout "Prove it Soubi!"

Of all the man's assertions there was little proof, so why should those be any different? "I will obey your orders", "I will always protect you", and "I will never leave your side Ritsuka"- What of **those** claims?!

Ritsuka would not question if this was a game to Soubi since he doubted the fighter was capable of playing games for enjoyment, not that such was his fault.

Each time the younger Aoyagi tried to think of recent events in a sensible manner, he couldn't handle it. With his youth and the powerful traumas he'd already faced it was no wonder.

It would not be a far reach for him to lose himself mentally; however these days that concept seemed almost impossible, with the unrelenting friendships he recently acquired, and Soubi... **Mostly **Soubi- he could fool himself no less than he could said man.

Soubi illuminated his journey and helped him lay claim to this life. It was now decorated with **his** memories, photographs proved so, there was no denying it.

He was missing something now, though not necessarily a "thing". Was it too late to retrace his steps and again experience the missing something?

Until Ritsuka strongly grasped proof and followed the trail back to the origin of discovery, he and Soubi were both lost.

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**The end**

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Hope you liked it, please review.

**A/N: **Soubi's quote is from volume 10 chapter 101 page 13; I made sure to look it up before posting this fic.


	17. Live your life

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Loveless, but THE POEM IS MINE

**A/N: **The poem is a message to Ritsuka and others from my experience with great struggles.

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"**Live your life"**

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Candid

Find sadness

In the joy

My boy

It is

Surely the reverse

Disperse

The pressure

To release

Your goal

Not with

Sadness first

Can you

Live life whole

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End

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Hope you liked it, please review


	18. Hiding from everyone

**A/N:** Hey all, it's been a while... weeks or something, since I posted. Life is life, and mine just loves to become ever more difficult. At least my neurologist said they're non-epileptic seizures.

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**Disclaimer**: I don't own Loveless, or Josh Groban's song "You are loved"

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"**Hiding from everyone"**

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"Soubi moves through life. He does not live because he does not belong."

Darkness drew through the curtains, and Ritsuka turned to Soubi's bedroom.

_Who said that?..._

He set down the history text book on the couch cushion.

_That was Soubi's voice. Why would he say something like that? Who is he talking to?..._

Closing his textbook Ritsuka stood and slowly made his way toward his fighter's bedroom where the words emitted from.

He paused at the door hearing Soubi speak again, "Sensei, why did you say that to Nagisa?" There was silence for several moments, then "Ah yes… alright", and he hung up before the man on the other line spoke more. "A possession can only belong to its master; it cannot live a life of its own."

Ritsuka backed away from the door. How he hated the teachings that held Soubi in this state. "Ritsuka, is that you?". He nearly forgot the man's superhuman senses.

"Um yeah, can I come in Soubi?" "Of course" he opened the door for his charge to enter, and directed him to a chair.

He nervously did not lock eyes with Soubi. "Is there something you need Ritsuka?" he asked. He was indeed troubled, _*It's just… the hurt that you hide Soubi…_

"Ritsuka?" Slowly he looked upward, violet eyes meeting sapphire. "Soubi moves through life. He does not live because he does not belong", he whispered. It ached for him to repeat the words. "A possession can only belong to its master; it cannot live a life of its own…" With pain in his eyes, "Why did you… who said that Soubi?"

"My sensei taught me that in order to be the most powerful fighter, and I developed into the most powerful fighter."

"But Soubi you're a person, not a possession or a "thing"; you need to live your life as **your **life."

Soubi shook his head, "That is unnecessary". Lavender eyes widened "No, it's the **most** necessary thing".

The words he spoke hit him harder than Soubi. His fighter did not respond. Moments passed as Ritsuka decided what to say. "Let's do something this weekend, okay Soubi? You choose, and we can bring whoever you want."

He smiled despite the pain which rose to his chest. Soubi reflected the curve of his lips. It's falseness hurt all the more.

_I wish you would stop hiding from everyone… _

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_**End**_

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Hope you liked it, please review.


	19. Cursed being

**A/N: **I just finished this one and felt like posting it. Yep two in one day, call it a gift to myself for not having written in a while.

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Loveless, or Ian Thomas's book "I Wrote This For You" which I've never read, but a friend quoted on FB.

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"**Cursed being" **

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Soubi removed a cigarette from the new pack, however when it touched his lips, threw it to the ground. He hated himself for much in his life, and never stopped hating himself each time he breathed in the murderous air of tobacco. Years ago, a sweet boy became so angry each time he caught him smoking.

He wanted to stop, for him.

He wondered where that boy might be now- no, now he'd be a young man. Now that raven haired child was twenty two years old. Definitely not a child any longer.

Perhaps he lost his ears to another.

Leaning against a brick wall, further engulfed by darkness, Soubi hoped he lost- **gave** his ears and tail to someone who loved him. Someone who would not hurt him. Someone who kept their promises.

Gripping a red rock so hard pieces fell to the ground he thought

_*Making love was never about you and me in a bed. We made love whenever we held hands..._

How he wished he could go back and say those words. He wished he could reach out to Ritsuka **now **and speak those words while holding him, comforting him... no, holding Ritsuka again would comfort him so much.

Now Ritsuka surely had moved on with his life. The thought brought a smile to mind, however he felt no joy.

Across his memory flashed one of Ritsuka's smiles. His own lips curved slightly as a tear rolled cool down his cheek.

He stepped away from the wall, and drops of snow melted over his face.

His fingers held the chill, but he did not take out his gloves. Walking past a dumpster, he dropped the accursed box away.

Just the same, he felt like a cursed being who wrought curses upon the lives of others.

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_**The end**_

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So sad : ( I hope liked it, please review.


	20. A woman's touch

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Loveless

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"**A woman's touch"**

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Ritsuka's mother ruined females for him, so there was no way he could ever consider forming a romantic relationship with one. The concept of a woman's touch brought a chill down his spine. Their soft hands could be contrastingly merciless.

A woman's cooing could easily dissipate into hateful screeching.

Makeup acted as a mask which blinded awareness of her true nature. Eyebrows could be managed so her face seemed bright at all times. Painted lips could change from a lovely smile to a most scornful sneer.

Nails could be covered with bright or dark colors, or act as talons to break skin.

Walking through the town, each female adult began as the face of Aoyagi Misaki. Ritsuka didn't choose for his eyes to play such tricks; the world spun around as usual, and his life continued to spin out of control. Only one person in his life had control over him, the person who had no control of her mind, the one who wanted him to disappear.

Some days in school, Yuiko would greet him with a smile, or rush to his side, and he flinched, readying his body for an assault. A moment passed before he regained true sight. "Hi Yuiko" he'd say, and she'd go on joyfully chattering as his brain readjusted.

Twice he was stopped in the hallway by a female teacher. Classes were in progress, what was he doing? He froze, expecting to be yelled at, or beaten. "I- I'm visiting the nurse" he'd sputter out, then naming the teacher who sent him.

He liked to spend time with Shouko-sensei, occasionally daydreaming about how it would be with she as his mother. He tossed away the silly notion quickly, but could never fight hard against the nice feeling that came with it. She would be kind to him, she would behave in a loving way at all times... or, what if she was the same? What if every woman in the world would treat him the same as his own mother?

He could never escape the horror.

Soubi- his hands were soft and gentle, like a woman's were supposed to be, and his hair was long, but he was certainly not a woman. He looked after, fed, and helped Ritsuka. It was almost like Soubi acted as both parents that were missing from his life.

No matter who entered or left his life, he could never forget the way his mother acted. He could never forget the trauma of a woman's touch.

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_**End**_

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Hope you liked it, please review.


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